shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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