you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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