you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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