Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
