Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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