Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize