This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
