A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
