No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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