So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
