i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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