your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
