How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
