here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
