I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
