Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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