Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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