Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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