I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
