In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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