i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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