I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
