I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So vagazzling was a success
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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