Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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