did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
operation have a gay friend backfired
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I want to be your penis for a week.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
