I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
