Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
