it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
