on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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