The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am mentally ready for anal.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
