Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
