you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
