you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
