So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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