i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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