Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need water and some morals
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize