I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
