Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
