I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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