I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my shit smells like andre
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
