Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize