Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
