I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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