Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
