I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
