would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
