I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
