Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
