i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize