fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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