So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
