well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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