I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize