I feel like abortions should bother me more
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
