If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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