then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
