I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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