I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
