Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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