ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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