Already got asked if we're dating
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize