My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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