I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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