Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
