its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
