Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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