it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
