Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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