dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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