the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have post one night stand depression
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
