peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize