ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
