I'm gonna have a badass scar
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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