I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
