We're facebook friends in real life
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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