Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
