Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
