Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
