HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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