She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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