I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
