I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
