i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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