i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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