Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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