I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
