remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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