can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Congratulations! We have a period
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
