no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
