i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
