PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
