i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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