im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My ass is underappreciated
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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