hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we're making bets on your personal life
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
