This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
