I want to walk on stilts...naked
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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