It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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