dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Randomize
