Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
