Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize